When you're too tired to tell the difference is it Mommy Burn Out or PPD?

I got an email the other day from Hannah at Full Time Nanny to check out one of her posts, she thought that it might be something that would interest my audience (impressive right? audience) after checking it out, I thought it would since it ties in with a lot going on in my life.

I mean I don't have all the signs, but I do have a good amount of them. But I started wondering after I read it, how many of those signs are from Mommy Burn Out and how much is from my PPD? Also how much is from the added stress of just being dumped.

Or do I have Mommy Burn Out cause I was dumped and now I am left with both kids 24/7 (not to mention my grandparents)? I mean it opened up a lot of questions. Not just about whether I do indeed have it but just how much are moms, single or not, suppose to handle? 

I've been posting a lot on my personal Facebook that I just feel like I can't do anything right or that I'm damned if I do damned if I don't. No matter what you do as a parent there is always someone who is going to say you are doing it wrong. I'm pretty sure that's what's happening with me. Maybe I got all of it.

When the clouds part in Newburgh

And Newburgh finally gets it's own Starbucks

Can I just say how happy I am to have a real Starbucks with a drive thru in town? We are now officially a "one Starbucks town", anyone get that quote? Of course it would be slightly better if I actually had money to buy coffee and a car to get there. Oh well give me time.

Ain't it the truth?

Saw this over on Being Alison's blog and just had to repost it. This is truth.

Making Red Cat Look Pretty

Good friend, good wine, good times.

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It doesn't matter if you dream big if you don't follow through

Dreams are what you wish you could be, but the thing is you can't just wish for them then expect them to happen. You have to go out there and do it. Which means getting off your ass and accomplishing shit.

Figure out what you need to accomplish your dream. Make a list. Take a class. Save money. Start a donation pool. Do what you need to do, just do it.

And most importantly believe you can achieve it. Cause if you don't think it's going to happen, then guess what the universe is going agree with you. Only you have the power to make it happen.

I've only ever wanted to be three things in life. A writer, a musician, a photographer. I write as much as I can (but that's not what this blog is about). I've given up the musician thing, though not my love of music. And I've said to hell with it, I am a photographer damn it.

I had put it off, I never stopped taking photos, but I kept saying I can't, I need, I won't. Finally after some major personal upheaval I said damn it I'm doing something for me. I went out and bought a Canon Rebel T3. I shot a Suicide Girls photo set for a friend. I made this blog, a Twitter, and a Facebook page. I've shot and shot and shot some more. I've edited. I've put my work out there and pimped the hell out of it (still am).

And you know what? I'm happy, like truly, ridiculously, happy.

My faeries may sparkle but not with "fairy dust"

I proudly proclaim that I do believe in faeries, I do, I do.

When I do this thoughts run through people's head, or sometimes right out of their mouths. That I've watched too much Peter Pan and Hook. That I've read too many fairy tales as a kid. That I think magic works a la Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. But there's something that people don't get.

My faeries don't sparkle with "fairy dust," or glitter. They aren't pretty and pink and rainbows.

Oh no, my faeries are sexy, dark, and bloody (that's what they are sparkly with people).

My faeries are deeply connected to the Earth. They are Goddess worshipers. My faeries embrace the primal side of life. My faeries know how to have fun. They are fun and mischievous. They want to help humans become more like them again. They want to teach humans to become more in touch with Nature, both the Earth and their own.

The Faerie Mound

The full round moon hangs up in the sky. It beckons things to come out and play. To shed disguises and pretenses. To come and play around the faerie mound.

Upon the hill sits a door, a hidden door. Only those with the sight can see. It’s not usual for a Sighted one to glance on the Unseelie Court. But it isn’t unheard of.

In the full moon, the Faeries become brave. They want to commune with their Mother Moon. They want to embrace their true nature. Through the hidden door they go. Out into the human world they are seen by the Sighted One.

She heard the stories. She wanted to see. Although warned by her grandmother not to look upon them. She went to the faerie mound to see if she could actually see them. See them she did.

Riley got more than she bargained for. She watched as the faeries emerge. Though some were strange to her eyes, they were alluring. There was something about them that she just couldn’t look away from. Girls with the thinnest bodies that their backs were concaved, men with lower fangs jutting from their mouths, a woman wearing what looked like spider webs with what looked to be bloody wings.

Then she was spotted. Luckily for her, even though she didn’t know it at the time, it was by a traded faerie. A Seelie courtier, a pawn to broker peace, who was more than slightly changed by his new surroundings.

Where the Unseelie might have sex and then kill a human for sport. Seelies usually kept them as pets of sorts, a concubine in better cases.

He noticed Riley watching, he had a certain fondness for human females. He found them soft and comforting. Little did he know she was Sighted, and saw them for what they truly were. Even the most human looking faeries, are not. He walked to her, “Miss are you aware that the faeries you are watching would blind you for looking upon them,” hoping to startle her.

“I know there are faeries, and I know you are one too. If you came and told me, it means you aren’t the kind to kill me?” Riley had in turn managed to startle the faerie courtier.

“My you are a clever girl. You may call me Puck,” the courtier smiled as he licked his lips. 

(to be continued another night)

Check out Writings From Faerie to read the story in whole.

Please can we go outside

Candy Apple

'ello Poppets

Welcome to my new blog, promoting my new photography business: Moon in a Cup (photography by Amanda Jillian)

And then I get dumped through text messages

Dumped by ~Pure-Poison89

Yeah, you read that right. After all the pain and bullshit and everything that he put me through. After having a horrible pregnancy and then delivering a premature baby. (That he purposely knocked me up with no matter what he says now.) He dumped me. Through text message.

I'm still processing but I can say that I don't cry anymore at the mere thought of it. It's hard and definitely messed something bad with my head.

One thing I do know is it stops here. No more of this going back and forth. No more of this running back and saying he messed up and I forgive him. I can't do it. I've been waiting since the last time he broke up with me for him to get bored and do it again. I thought that maybe being the best mom I could and staying home and him knowing what I'm doing would be enough. But it wasn't.

And just knowing that he could do this at the point in my life when I need him the most, when I need help the most, it's given me the strength to be stronger, it's given me the resolve to say "fuck you" if he dares tries to get back with me.

Well I'm off to watch my brother and see my friend with coffee and hopefully finish and order more paperwork.