Shit My Papa Says

Papa said something just too crazy to even know what to do. It had me and Hubby cracking up, but it did give me an idea for this post.

"I don't like Amand but I like AJ, doesn't matter though cause I'll be dead soon anyway."

"Some drink to forget, I drink to remember."

"I think I have Alzheimer's but I don't want to tell the doctor because I don't want to take more pills."

"I probably have one more year in me, but that's it."

And today's:

Papa: "I hope you aren't getting pregnant again with all that noise your making."
Me: "What noise?" (me and Hubby we just running around the living room)
Papa: "All that noise you just made."
Me: "Laughing?"
Papa: "Yeah." 

I wasn't aware you got pregnant from laughing, guess I was doing it wrong the other two times. I swear mom said you had to put the man's snake in your cave, or something like that  =}

Disturbing Trend in Parenting

Ariel the day she was born
With my son I was a single mom, so by default it was with me almost all the time. No one said anything about it, in fact when I had my first job after having him I was told repeatedly that I should be home with my baby not working. I was a non-medical companion and she had short term memory loss, so about once every half an hour I was asking if I had kids, how old and that I should be home with my baby. I also had it a little easier cause AJ would just cry when I left and came home but in between was completely fine and happy.

Ariel on the other hand, prefers me, only goes to sleep for me, and was a preemie. I hated leaving her at the NICU and would've gladly stayed by her side the whole 23 days she was there. She fights with everyone else. I have postpartum depression and separation anxiety. It effects both of us. We both stress out and get very anxious, and since she's a baby she screams at Hubby with a you're not mommy face.

This is where the disturbing trend comes in, people want me to just leave my kids. When she first came home and I was starting to think I might have postpartum depression and was freaking out cause I was being told I would need to leave my kids, which spiked up (or down) my depression, if I even mentioned it I would get highly irritated and on the verge of tears. I was told to get over it and to get a job cause I would be happier if I get out of the house.

Yes I have PPD and separation anxiety cause I had to leave my baby in the NICU for 23 days. 
So now she's home I should just run out and leave her with a stranger
That makes complete sense, moron.

Even "D" thinks I should be going out for "me time" and getting Ariel used to not having me there. Those were her words, and that is what got me thinking.

Why have the babies if you are just going to get them used to you leaving them?

I mean don't get me wrong, I know at some point I will have to leave them but she is a baby, she is 5 month old (3 month adjusted since she was a preemie) and I'm just wondering why I should get her used to not depending on me? She's a baby. Babies are suppose to depend on their mommy. 

I read about how they think babies are still gestating outside of the womb for at least 9 months. It makes sense to me, I mean we can't actually carry a baby for 18 months, our bodies can't handle it. And those first 9 months of their lives? They change in the blink of an eye. I mean Ariel is 5 months old and looks almost completely different than just last month. So, 9 months in and 9 months out. They say babies should flourish when they are held close to their moms and breastfeed, they call it kangaroo care, since they too have babies that gestate outside of the womb.

It makes sense to me. I did kangaroo care with AJ without knowing the name, I held him and carried him in a sling, and he was almost always with me. And he flourished, still does. He also breastfed for 6 months. This time I knew the benefits and did kangaroo care with my preemie, I knew it was so much more important for her to get it. I also breastfeed her as much as I can. (me + pumping = low supply) And I'm happy to say that Ariel is the size and on schedule with her milestones as a 5 month old. If you put her a 32 weeker scale she's off the charts. 

I attribute this to her kangaroo care, to the fact that I held her, and keep her with me, and make sure she knows that I am always there for her.

Ariel today 5 and a half months old

Quotes 10/20

Images from Photobucket

Down the Rabbit Hole: Third Refill

I'm still feeling better, not normal but better. My cousin, who is studying to be a behavioral health social worker, thinks I should have my dosage upped. I'll find out when I go see the other doctor next week, the last time I saw him he didn't think I needed to change yet.

I like my behavioral health social worker "D" but sometimes she can bug me. I saw her last week and she told me I need to work on getting "me time." Now I'm usually all for that but it causes both me and Ariel too much anxiety. Going out without either kid makes me very anxious. Leaving Ariel home makes her scream and not nap. Hubby says she falls asleep for a few minutes then wakes up and looks at him and goes you're not mommy then screams. So why would I upset both of us for "me time" that doesn't make any sense. I wouldn't be able to calm down and relax knowing my baby girl is screaming her head off.

My "me time" is when Hubby takes AJ out for a while so I can lay Ariel down and not worry AJ will trample her. I can go to the bathroom without worrying that AJ will mess with her. I can go to the bathroom alone. At some point I'm going to start reading more regularly again. I've just gotten out of the habit.

Energy, Charging and Will

Enchantress by ~fioredineve

 The first thing I was taught about using magic was that is using your will to make a change in the world around you. How you use your will to make that change can happen in many different ways. It's akin to how Christian's use prayer to try and get a change. Pagans just do it with spells and rituals, it is our way of praying.

One of the simple ways that I first began using my will to enact a change was charging an anklet or bracelet that I made. I would usually do this when I was either going on an interview or starting a new job. I use hemp and make either the anklet or bracelet and charge it with my energy, to calm my nerve and make me feel confident, or whatever I would need.

I also leave all my stones, not that I have tons (especially with AJ losing them), on the window to sit in the Moon for a night at least.

I leave my journals out with my books that I read, and re-read, to charge them with my energy.

I'm reading Hedge Witch by Silver RavenWolf and she writes that essence of magic is knowing what you want and asking the universe for it, with your will.

Basically I'm saying I feel that the basic level of magic is take your energy and charge it with your will.

This post of inspired by Pagan Blog Prompts

Newly Favorite Pagan Artwork

I subscribe to Pagan Blog Prompts, the prompt I am following today is for Pagan Artwork. Since I have a love of deviantART I figured I would put together a few of my new favorites.

pagan by ~norijoko


Pagan Pride by ~critelli


Pagan Necklace by ~MoonLitCreations


Pagan Ways 1 by ~Aarisa


Pagan by ~GARETHHH







Bring on the Hoodies and Hayrides

On the surface most people tend to think I'm a total Summer Girl. I love the water, the beach, swimming, all summer activities. I love the Jersey Shore, not the show the actual place, I prefer Ocean City to Seaside anyway. I'm never more at peace than at the beach.

Sounds like a classic Summer Girl right? WRONG!

At heart, I am first and foremost a Fall Girl. I love hoodies, hayrides, warm apple cider, fall leaves, sitting by the bonfire, and nothing beats the smell of Fall. My favorite holiday is Samhain, or Halloween to the non-Pagan or non-Celtic traditions.

I personally feel as though it oozes Magic.


My Halloween Buddy by ~AmandaJillian (aka Me)