Being Silly {Down the Rabbit Hole}

Sunday, August 10, 2014

I know you're probably like ummm being silly, down the rabbit hole, how do those things go together. But at least in my case they go together quite often. Which is probably why I keep trying to tell my therapist and shrink that I think I'm bipolar. I bounce from up to down, I spiral downwards, but I rocket upwards.



My shift in moods can be fast or slow, they can take hours or weeks. Sometimes I'm a busy working machine. I feel on top of the world like I can do everything and anything. Then something can set me on a downward spiral to the point where I want to die thinking it would just be better off.

I can feel these things happening to me. I know that's its stupid and I should stop ... but I can't.

Which makes me feel worse. Like it's my fault. Everything is my fault. If I could just stop what I was thinking I could stop feeling this way. But I can't.

Recently I have discover this could be episodes of hypomania where I feel like I can do anything. That I'm super creativity. I start 50 million projects. I can do all the things! Then I crash down to feeling like I'm worthless and horrible.

Hopefully I can get something different soon. Even if it's switching doctors. 



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