Why is it so hard to let go... {The Blog Dare}

(I know that I've been distance and there's a reason for that. The prompt for today kind of fit right to finally try and put it into words.)

Why is it so hard to let go of someone you love? 

Even though he's let go of me, four times. Maybe this time I'll actually let go, who knows for sure. But why is it so hard to let go?


Cause he's in my heart. 

Even though he's shattered it to the point that I'm missing pieces.


I know a big part of not wanting to let go is the kids. AJ asked for him and his older daughter all the time. Ariel reminds me of him everyday. And with us in NY and him in Texas who knows how we will work visits. That's something I haven't wanted to think about yet.

But the biggest part, the part that makes my heart literally hurt, is I miss him, I don't want to let go of him. I miss his warmth, his hugs, he's kisses. I miss falling asleep on his chest listening to his heart beat. I miss falling asleep listening to him play his video games. I miss our date nights. I miss going to the movies and late night coffee talks. I miss knowing that when the movies come out on Bluray I will have the copy at home. I miss seeing his smile when the kids wake him up, even though he tries to act grumpy. I miss being randomly embarrassed by his public displays of affection.


 Excuse me. These eyes are tired of crying, and I just did it to myself again. One of my friends here on the interwebz told me he knew something was off cause my eyes have lost their sparkle. Maybe they are just dry from all the tears. I have to hope that someday my sparkle will come back. I think I saw it for a bit yesterday.

Something about St Patty's Day always makes me a little happy. Maybe it's the being Irish or being a redhead. Maybe it's that my little ginger boy AJ was so excited for St Patty's Day.


Letting go is hard, and always will be. I will be fine eventually.





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