Why yes I am aware I'm overreacting, no I can't stop

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There is one thing that I have come to notice during this whole PPD I'm going through, and it's that my emotions are stuck on high.

What exactly does it mean? It means that I am fully aware that I am overreacting but I am not in control of stopping.

And guess what? I don't like it either. But I am doing much better than I was. I would have these fits everyday, I mean every stinking day, over nothing really. I would cry over getting dressed, I would cry over being late, I would cry over having to repeat myself. I kid you not! But I could not stop myself.

Now those times are few and far apart. But they tend to happen at embarrassing and/or public times. One of the first times this happened was at Christmas dinner with my huge family. Grandma at the time was getting infusion done every morning, so I ran around Christmas morning instead of spending time with my 3 kids and cleaned like a maniac for dinner at 2pm.

What happens? Someone puts Ariel's highchair outside and every time I try to sit down and or get Ariel to relax so I can go get food someone basically yells at me and says I'm in their way.

End result? I wind up fed up and storm into my room with Ariel and cry while my mom sends me texts telling me to just get over it and come back out. I wish to the sweet Goddess I could just get over but I can't. Because basically what I'm feeling is that I just spent this whole time cleaning for everyone but I can't even enjoy it, like I'm not allowed. Now I know that is an overreaction, did it stop how I felt? NO.

It's hard, it's annoying, and it down right sucks. But it is how it is. I am getting better but it takes time and understanding. Telling me to get over it, does not help. Telling me to just forget about it does not help.

I'm just trying to get back to being me here people.

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