Disturbing Trend in Parenting

Ariel the day she was born
With my son I was a single mom, so by default it was with me almost all the time. No one said anything about it, in fact when I had my first job after having him I was told repeatedly that I should be home with my baby not working. I was a non-medical companion and she had short term memory loss, so about once every half an hour I was asking if I had kids, how old and that I should be home with my baby. I also had it a little easier cause AJ would just cry when I left and came home but in between was completely fine and happy.

Ariel on the other hand, prefers me, only goes to sleep for me, and was a preemie. I hated leaving her at the NICU and would've gladly stayed by her side the whole 23 days she was there. She fights with everyone else. I have postpartum depression and separation anxiety. It effects both of us. We both stress out and get very anxious, and since she's a baby she screams at Hubby with a you're not mommy face.

This is where the disturbing trend comes in, people want me to just leave my kids. When she first came home and I was starting to think I might have postpartum depression and was freaking out cause I was being told I would need to leave my kids, which spiked up (or down) my depression, if I even mentioned it I would get highly irritated and on the verge of tears. I was told to get over it and to get a job cause I would be happier if I get out of the house.

Yes I have PPD and separation anxiety cause I had to leave my baby in the NICU for 23 days. 
So now she's home I should just run out and leave her with a stranger
That makes complete sense, moron.

Even "D" thinks I should be going out for "me time" and getting Ariel used to not having me there. Those were her words, and that is what got me thinking.

Why have the babies if you are just going to get them used to you leaving them?

I mean don't get me wrong, I know at some point I will have to leave them but she is a baby, she is 5 month old (3 month adjusted since she was a preemie) and I'm just wondering why I should get her used to not depending on me? She's a baby. Babies are suppose to depend on their mommy. 

I read about how they think babies are still gestating outside of the womb for at least 9 months. It makes sense to me, I mean we can't actually carry a baby for 18 months, our bodies can't handle it. And those first 9 months of their lives? They change in the blink of an eye. I mean Ariel is 5 months old and looks almost completely different than just last month. So, 9 months in and 9 months out. They say babies should flourish when they are held close to their moms and breastfeed, they call it kangaroo care, since they too have babies that gestate outside of the womb.

It makes sense to me. I did kangaroo care with AJ without knowing the name, I held him and carried him in a sling, and he was almost always with me. And he flourished, still does. He also breastfed for 6 months. This time I knew the benefits and did kangaroo care with my preemie, I knew it was so much more important for her to get it. I also breastfeed her as much as I can. (me + pumping = low supply) And I'm happy to say that Ariel is the size and on schedule with her milestones as a 5 month old. If you put her a 32 weeker scale she's off the charts. 

I attribute this to her kangaroo care, to the fact that I held her, and keep her with me, and make sure she knows that I am always there for her.

Ariel today 5 and a half months old





4 comments

  1. I don't get why people think we should separate from our kids at the earliest convenience. I understand having to work, but if you can make it work staying home, I think kids deserve to have at least one parent there. With my DD I couldn't afford to stay home. I left her at just a month old. To this day I attribute that separation as the reason me and DD are not as close as we could be.

    I have a 5 month old son too. And I'm happy staying with him. Though we still can't afford it, and I'm looking for a job. I will enjoy the time I have with him and count it a blessing! Breastfeeding longer has really helped too. With DD I worked with chemicals and could not pump for her.

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  2. I just don't get with how much it upsets us that we should be apart. I broke it down for Hubby with 2 under 3 if I got a job my paycheck would only go to daycare fees, so I stay home. So far its working.

    My body just says no to pumping no matter how much I pump in a day I cn only make one feeding.

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  3. I think this is a tough topic, and one where every parent should decide according to his/her knowledge and emotions. I know people who had no choice but to leave their kids with grandparents/friends early on because they had to work, and the kids seem just fine. I know parents who decided they would not leave their children with strangers until they were old enough for kindergarten, and the kids are fine. I also do know parents who would love to hand their children over to the babysitter every now and again, but are guilt-tripped into staying home ("But she cries All The Time when you are not here!"), and these are the families where I fear for the kids.

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  4. That is one of my points. In my case it's not right for people to tell me to leave my daughter. It makes us both upset and anxious.

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